Yup, sort of what I was getting at. I've taken a glimpse at blended families, having worked in family law. Some step-children, even young ones like this, like their step-mother's better than their real moms. Some don't. It depends on the situation, the kid's personality and especially the kid's age. The younger they are when the divorce occurred, the better-adjusted they seem to be.

Theoretically, it's supposed to be better for children if their parents divorce before the age of two, so they have no recall of the parents being together in the same home. Makes me wonder if the Bob and his ex might have some animosity going on ...

Wow. I loved reading this... a description of pure hell to me.

As others have said, I'd only date a man with grown kids that are not living in his house any more.

hmmm. sounds like fun.

They all sound like they are stuck in a situation that doesnt fit and perhaps she and bob are not mature enough to be having the dialog that goes with this and could help fix the situation for everyone.

Instead neither of them is parenting the poor kid, and she is resorting to insiting on pizza not hamburgers on one of the 8 nights a month they have the kid

I think she could be much more accomodation (although i agree with him not bieng allowed in the bed) as its not very much time with the dad is it? and why should or would she resent her yoga or shopping alone?

She needs to realise that she cant have it all and make the best out of the situation and things may get better.

It also sounds like the kid is trying but for how long? How many hand holding moments are there? Before she throws cottage cheese at him again.

I actually feel sorry for that kid!

He is fighting back the only way he knows how!

This is interesting...my BF has two children with two women (both obviously way, way unplanned) and they were never together after the pregnancy was known (after 1 month of dating you are pregnant? WTF?) He seems resentful of both women, one he feels tried to trap him (she has since tried to trap other men) and the other was one of those "honest mistakes" (I still have trouble with this type of parent as I have never accidentally gotten pregnant to someone I had known for only a short time...but then I suppose the unknown/uncontrollable COULD happen ).

It is a difficult situation as he hates one mother (and thus the relationship with his daughter suffers) but gets along with the other (while also seeming to act as if she is just someone who has passed into his life like an aquaintance thus his son has seen them as friends but nothing more). We live 2,000mi away and he sees them infrequently-I hate to say-for a myriad of reasons (regret of his decisions in life, resentment of someone getting pregnant without his consent, etc). He did not (does not) want children and feels trapped by these women. I am unsure what to say/do about it as sometimes I get on him about it, but other times I am glad they are not a bigger part of his life. Neither kid has ever known him to be really involved with them or their mom...and according to everyone (family, the mothers, the kids, etc) each mother plays nice about my BF and does not talk bad about him to his kids (though the children will have to decide how to feel for themselves in the upcoming years-I remind him of this often).

It is hard to judge someone and their decisions when 1) you dont really know them and their whole story and 2) you are given just a snippet of information from one point of view. Before knowing him had I heard about a dad like him I would judge (what kind of deadbeat...) but knowing him I dont do this...I feel like a bad person sometimes for that... But when you know them (after 6 years) and though are not completely able to understand their situation (empathy only goes so far) love them and feel that they are a good and noble person who is just lost in life and trying to do what is right while constantly struggling with with all they have done wrong...it is very painful. I myself feel guilty sometimes (though I shouldnt) just being apart of the situation and being the one who "keeps him away" (although its his choice and I dont try to make him into/do anything).

It sucks when you get involved in a situation in which you dont feel that there is a good/right/correct/sane decision and daily you feel as if you are the worst person in the world for loving someone who is an inadequate parent (or step-parent) and who has a tough time deciding what is best for them, yet also best for the kids...I hate it sometimes...and and can somewhat relate to this woman...