Frieda has written a very thought-provoking article called The Myth of Having it All. Read it here: http://www.thechildfreelife.com/index.p ... ing-it-all

Great article Frieda - thanks!

Practically all of my friends have started off with the decision to become a mother in the view that they can "have it all" and have vowed to continue their careers and their social lives after the baby comes along. The reality has been very different and when something has to give, they obviously have to commit to motherhood first and let the other things slide.

I don't think having it all is attainable or even desirable - surely any woman who appears to be holding down motherhood, a rewarding relationship, a fulfilling career and a great social life either has more help than most of us can afford or is using concealer well to camouflage how exhausted she is!

Wonderful article!! I have thought about these things a lot. I loved it.

Great article!

Wonderful article that hits the nail directly on the head!
I too went to college in the 90's, was a Biology major, took several Women Studies courses and you're right, this idea of being CF was never once discussed.

I also believe that it is impossible to "have it all" and I don't think that the purpose of the Women's movement was so that we women could be stretched so thin or to our limits but rather, that we would have all of the options in front of us from which to choose our own path. Options that our mothers and grandmothers never had. Want to be a SAHM of 3 kids? Go ahead! Don't want to have kids but you don't want to be a nurse either? Great - you can now work in the corporate world thanks to the advances made be previous generations of women. Want other options other than being a secretary or teacher? Wonderful - you can now be a neurosurgeon, a businesswoman with an MBA or a Firefighter! Take your pick and strive for your goals.

I do not think that the women's movement intended for women to be a mother of 3, a house cleaner, a PTA member, a girl scout troop leader, a wife, a chauffer, an MBA candidate and be a Stockbroker all at the same time. Who can do all of this? Who can keep all of these balls in the air? No one, man or woman, without something or someone losing out in the end.

I directly benefited from the advancement of women. I was first in my family to graduate from a 4 year college. As I said, my degree was in Biology. I then went on to an Ivy League school for a Masters in the Sciences. I currently have a demanding job in the sciences that requires me to sometimes travel and many times work very long hours. I have no idea how children would even fit into this equation. I do work with women who have children and let me tell you, they are struggling to manage everything. I hear about their kids missing out on time with mom. I hear about fights with husbands and lots of love lost. I hear fights about whose turn it is to take little Johnny to his pediatrician appt. I hear arguments about why the woman has to get up all night with the baby but the man does not even though they both work full time, demanding jobs. We can't all have it all....something eventually gives and someone loses in the end.

Again.....great article!!

Thank you for writing this article! It expresses so eloquently the conversation I have had with several of my friends recently! Having it all is quite the myth that is still putting so many in shackles. Also noted at the end of your piece is the chasm created between mothers and the childfree. That is an issue that I hope will change for the generations to come.

Thanks everyone! I'm really glad you can relate.

That's interesting jhmd that you had the same experience with Women's Studies classes. When I was writing that I kept thinking, "I must be forgetting! We HAD to have discussed this! I hope I'm not just having an Alzheimer's moment." But I don't think so. What a miss, huh?

Love it, Frieda!

Great article, Frieda....funny how they never showed June Cleaver hitting the bottle the moment the boys left for school in the morning, or Harriet Nelson popping tranquilizers. That would have been too realistic!

I enjoyed the article, frieda. I too believe that you can't "have it all," at least not in the ways that most people imagine.

On sort of a related note... I don't care for celebrity news and gossip, but I caught a snippet of some celebrity TV show the other day. I became annoyed when the commentator said something about actress X "juggling motherhood and an acting career" because (a) who cares that she has kids? and (b) I thought, I have never heard anyone say such a thing about a man: "What a guy, that Will Smith, juggling an acting career and fatherhood!" I don't get why a woman juggles a career and family; a man just works.